I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
