I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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