Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
