remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So much rum. So many feels.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
