I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
