I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
