flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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