I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
