just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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