I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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