so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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