I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize