Kiss
Puke
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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