I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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