Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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