Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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