im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
