Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
