You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
