Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
