There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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