Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
