Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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