I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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