I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
