i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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