I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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