like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
