I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
