census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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