Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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