She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
