YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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