Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
