worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize