a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
