Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
