Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
