Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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