Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
