Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
