Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
