home. puking in laundry basket.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize