sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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