you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
