Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
