I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
