3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize