Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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