i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
