i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
