eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
