Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
