As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
