i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
