I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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