I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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