I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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