Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
