you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
