He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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