So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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