I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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