Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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