i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
