sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
