the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
