guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
