Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
