Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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