1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
