We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
