that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
