are you so shy because you have an std?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
