I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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