He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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