shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
