He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
