Redeem this text for a blowjob
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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