were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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