His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My boob is missing a layer of skin
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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