i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
