you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
