He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
