i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
