So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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