I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
