If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize