Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
