if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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