I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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