I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
