I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
