Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize