Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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