Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
