He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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