Non-Jews are for practice
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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