You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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