I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
