Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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